Sabertooth Tiger – What Really Happened?

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We’ve seen it all with him.  Or have we?

It began as a heartwarming(kind of) story.  One that, if were totally true, Tiger Woods would only need about 14,027 more of to be considered a half-way decent guy.

Yesterday, world-renown American skier(and Tiger Woods’ girlfriend), Lindsey Vonn skied down a snow-capped mountain and right into World Cup Skiing history in Cortina d’Ampezzo, Italy, notching her record-setting 63rd career win.  She did so, by posting a new world record time.

When she made it over to her cheering section, which included family and friends she was also greeted by an unidentified masked man in sun glasses and a beanie.  It was her boyfriend, Tiger, who had supposedly surprised her by making the trip all the way out to Italy to watch Vonn before his golf season starts.

“It was an amazing surprise. I’m so happy that he’s here. … Everyone important to me is here — my mom and dad and my sister and Tiger — it’s pretty incredible,” Vonn said when asked about Tiger accompanying her family at the race.  When asked about Tiger’s disguise she added, “I knew it was him immediately. He loves that stupid mask.”  Yeah, I’ll bet he does.

Reports flooded out of Italy late Monday when the photo above was captured by a local photographer exposing Tiger’s face and showing a missing front-left tooth in his palette.  Tiger’s agent released a statement detailing that amidst the chaos of photographers working to get a glimpse of Lindsey, one of the paparazzi’s shoulder mounted cameras swung around and caught Tiger in the mouth, knocking the tooth out! Oh my… I’m not buying it!!!

Let’s see, swollen lip?  No. Swelling gums? Nope.  Bloody mouth?  Don’t look like it Tiger!  I’m no dentist(but my mom’s a dental hygienist, so that basically makes me one), but it looks like that incident happened days ago, giving Tiger enough time to clean up his mouth, find a worthy cover-up(the mask), make up a story for why he was hiding his face(‘SURPRISE, Lindsey!’) and hide the tooth under his hotel pillow for the tooth fairy!

It all seems too coincidental that the masked man got his tooth knocked out after his entire face was covered up and not vice-versa.  It’s not a like another PR nightmare would really hurt Tiger, he was downright embarrassed in front of the whole world in his last marriage by numerous sketchy women coming forth about his infidelity.  But all of this uncertainty and suspicion surrounding the most polarizing athlete on the planet and the real story behind his handsome smile becoming marred, just adds to his tarnished legacy and his destiny to live in infamy.

Did he hit a fire hydrant or did a fire hydrant in disguise hit him?  Whatever the case, we’re not buying your crap Tiger.

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