But I digress………………………………………..
Let’s talk about birds. In fact, let me do a little word association with myself for you:
Turkey – Sandwich
Geese – Evil
Crows – Bully
Roadrunner – Coyote
Hawk – Tripp Isenhour taking aim
You have surely heard the story by now. Golfer Tripp Isenhour is shooting an instructional golf video on the links and a hawk lands and starts giving him the business, so he takes aim and………well, let’s just say that hawk is no longer a golf fan.
Everyone needs to give this Isenhour guy a break. It reminds me of something I heard the late comedian Mitch Hedberg say: “I never made a hole in one. But I did hit a guy. And that was way more satisfying.”
Do you know how hard it is to restrain yourself when some jerk hawk is apeing you from 75 feet out? Do you also know the skill necessary to hit said hawk with a golf ball hit by a golf club from 75 yards out? If it was a clay pigeon, this guy’d be hitting the talk show circuit.
Let me break this article down for you:
1) Don’t mess with migratory birds.
2) The name of the video was “Shoot Like A Pro”. Maybe they should have stressed that Ike shouldn’t take it so literal.
3) “Grand Cypress Golf Club—his home course—when a squawking red-shouldered hawk forced another take.” – Uncool. You don’t step into a man’s yard and dis him.
4) “He got in his golf cart and drove closer to the bird, then 300 yards away, and starting hitting balls at it. The bird didn’t move and Isenhour gave up and drove away.” – Quitter. If he’d taken it out at 300 feet, we wouldn’t be having this discussion.
5) “Isenhour allegedly said, “I’ll get him now,” and aimed for the hawk.” – You have to admire calling your shot.
6) “About the sixth ball came very near the bird’s head, and (Isenhour) was very excited that it was so close,” Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer Brian Baine indicated in a report. – Those Fish and Wildlife dudes have hawklike eyesight themselves. He saw that from 75 yards out?
7) “A few shots later, witnesses said he hit the hawk. The bird, protected as a migratory species, fell to the ground bleeding from both nostrils.” – Hawks have nostrils?
8) “Isenhour said in a statement issued through his management company, SFX Golf. “I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away.” – Uh, then what was the whole “I’ll get him now” thing all about?
9) “He just kept saying how he didn’t think he could have hit it, which I think is a stupid thing for a PGA Tour golfer to say,” Senger said. “He can put a ball in a hole from hundreds of yards away, and here he is hitting line drives at something that’s, I don’t know, a couple hundred feet away?” – Ok Skippy, what was it, 75 yards, or a couple hundred feet?
10) “Isenhour said he is an animal lover and his family has adopted three cats from a local shelter.” – A visit to PETA with Jesse Jackson as your wing man will help your cause as well.
11) “Bartlett said Isenhour’s case, like the Michael Vick dog fighting case, is disappointing for society.” – Someone had to play the Vick card.
Well, that’s it for now. I need to take my cat to his therapist. He’s been acting out lately because of repressed frustration from his kithood.
Before I leave though, why was this ok?