How To Turn A Cheetah Into A Snail

I commented last night briefly on the rumor of Shaq being dealt to the Phoenix Suns. I begged Phoenix to do the trade for me.

I’d like to thank Steve Kerr for hearing my plea, and getting the job done. Hopefully he has another job lined up for next season. I’m sure the boys at TNT will take him back.

There is no way this deal makes sense. Someone slipped the Phoenix Suns a mickey and then redecorated the Suns office circa 1999. When the Suns came to, there was talk of the primaries for the impending election and how George Bush’s son will never beat VP Al Gore. The perils of Y2K are also discussed as is the latest raging stock market filled with dot coms.

Then the perpetrator started talking about trading for Shaq and that Pat Riley was even helping move him. All they had to do was give them the rookie kid, Shawn Marion. Don’t worry they say, after all it’s not like they’re asking for Rex Chapman. Everyone laughs.

They get the docs signed right before the Suns nod off again. When they awaken, they are shocked to find that it is not 1999 even though their head feels like they partied like it was. You know, 2000 zero zero party over oops out of time.

But the ink was dry, and the dye cast. They traded Shawn Marion, and some other dude for the 2008 Shaq!! How did this happen? Did Pat Riley toss Jerry Dust on them?

That’s the only way that I can figure that the Suns would make such a bone head move.

They take a team that is run and gun and in one day turn it into a half court team.

This Yahoo! article is interesting. Shaq and Riles aren’t feuding, Amare is stoked, Stevie Kerr knew what he was doing, Mike D’Antoni can’t wait, yada yada yada. Do you notice that there’s no quote from Steve Nash? Of course there’s not! Nash has got to hate this move. It’s an anti-Nash manuever, from a philosophical and personnel standpoint. And don’t hand me that bag of mess that goes, “Everyone that plays with Nash gets numbers. Look what he did for Tim Thomas.” Please.

Shaq has been hurt the majority of the season, was he just resting on company time because he got tired or disgruntled on company time?

The reality is that Marion and Amare didn’t get along. The Suns weren’t going to get a ring with their existing roster………even before the Laker trade (scoreboard Kupchak again!). Marion forced the Suns hand with the preseason demand which put Steve Kerr between a rock……and another rock, right out of the Shaq leaving the Lakers playbook.

Welcome back to anonymity Phoenix. Just like when Charles Barkley was brought in to get Dan Maerle, KJ, and Coach Cotton into the big time.

Check and see who has Alvan Adams’ rights.

Dan Patrick today already coined the very “fresh” moniker of “The Big Shaqtus” for Shaq since he is in the desert now.

This is going to be the best season ever.

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