Alright you little Frappers, here is the knowledge you need to know how to think.
I’ve got the outcome of the first round of NBA Playoffs after only the first game has been played. Why did I wait until after the first game has been played, you ask?
Everyone else picks before the series start. I need an additional degree of difficulty.
Although I subscribe to the first game being important, it also leads many astray. You know the dude at the watercooler that prognosticates in a very knowing manner about the way the playoffs will go……….after he’s seen the first game’s result. And SportsCenter.
We don’t roll like that. We also do not have a watercooler. We have a huge orange Igloo filled with Gatorade that we mixed from powder. We believe in living this stuff out.
I’m adding a little more flavor to this special sports stew: I’m not only telling you who will win, but also who I wish would win.
Here is the what you think:
Dallas Mavericks V. Golden State Warriors
What isn’t there to like about this matchup? Storylines abound. A disgruntled ex-employee (Don Nelson) trying to stick it to his ex-employer (Mavs’ owner Mark Cuban). The student (Avery Johnson) taking on the teacher (Nelson). Anyone but me notice that Johnson sounds like a cross between Yoda and Dave Chappelle?
Team I’d Like To Win: Mavericks
Team That Will Win: Mavericks
Utah Jazz V. Houston Rockets
Utah is a young and talented team that looks to be contender material for years to come. Not sure about the reports that Andrei Kirilenko went to Jazz coach Jerry Sloan literally crying because he wasn’t a meaningful part of the offense in the first game. I’d love to have been a fly on that wall. Not sure what the hard nose coach likely said to him, but I’m positive I know what letters the words start with.
It is time for the Rockets version of Batman (Tracy McGrady) and Robin (Yao Ming) to step up into the light of the next level. This will depend in a huge way on whether the brittle duo’s bodies will hold up or not. McGrady is like Kobe Bryant without the rings, records, durability, or mind over matter abilities.
The Houston Rockets will win this in 6 games.
Team I’d Like To Win: Rockets
Team That Will Win: Rockets
San Antonio Spurs V. Denver Nuggets
Based on the first game, the Spurs seem to have aged since the end of the regular season. Anyone want to sign my petition that would have shots to the crowd showing Eva Longoria eliminated? I would quit my job for that campaign if I thought I could pull it off.
To the contrary, Allen Iverson seems to be next in line to replace the Energizer Bunny. Not sure how he does that. Carmelo Anthony’s clutch factor seems to have greatly increased. This even though he rolled the Frappe on a scheduled exclusive interview this season.
I have to admit that I feel shaky about this one. I’m going to say the Spurs in 7 games.
Team I’d Like To Win: Neither
Team That Will Win: Spurs
Los Angeles Lakers V. Phoenix Suns
Steve Nash is a witch. That’s all I can say about him. If I played with him he could set me up to drop 15 points (2 of them 3 pointers).
The Lakers just don’t have enough to hope for an upset here. I just want Ronny Turiaf to keep his hair down.
Suns in 6 games here.
Team I’d Bleed Their Colors If Cut: Lakers
Team That Will Win: Suns
Detroit Pistons V. Orlando Magic
Not much to say here. This is a classic matchup of too much against not enough.
Team I’d Like To See Win: Neither
Team That Will Win: Pistons
Miami Heat V. Chicago Bulls
As I said about the Jazz, the Bulls are a team with a bright future if they can keep from tiring of Scott Skiles hard nose message and keep their nucleus together.
The Heat are OLD. Seriously. They resemble someone’s basketball card collection of two, maybe three basketball generations. But I learned from last year’s playoffs that you should never underestimate Dwyane Wade. I think they have enough in their tank to take this series in a 7 game war.
Team I’d Like To See Win: Bulls
Team That Will Win: Heat
Toronto Raptors V. New Jersey Nets
How funny was it to see our Canadian friends band together and focus their energies not on winning as much as punking their ex superstar Vince Carter. Remember when he was the next Jordan? Remember when Toronto had Carter and McGrady? Remember when Canada had two teams?
New Jersey in 6.
Team I’d Like To See Win: Raptors
Team That Will Win: Nets
Washington Wizards V. Cleveland Cavaliers
The Wizards are like a veritable MASH unit. For this reason, and the fact that King James is ripe to bloom into basketball legend goodness, I say the Cavs in 5 games.
Team I’d Like To See Win: Cavaliers
Team That Will Win: Cavaliers