No HolyField Of Dreams

Role model long ago departed from the resume of most professional athletes.

Most sports fans by now are jaded enough that possible scandals involving broken laws and other cheating rarely raise an eyebrow.

Every time I tell myself I’ll never dedicate blogspace to the steroid issue again, something funny (at least to me, and that’s all that matters) happens and I have to get it out of my head.

The latest hilarity does not involve a whizzinator, people getting shot in the butt with “B-12” by teammates, flaxseed oil, clear, or cream.

It does however involve heavyweight boxer Evander Holyfield. None of us could figure out why Holyfield kept boxing when it became obvious to everyone but him that his better days had passed. Then we found that he was in a fathering contest against Shawn Kemp. Then Mike Tyson chewed on his ear like a dog and made us almost forget about Evandrama.

When Evander was an olympian, I thought it was cool that he said he trained on Big Macs. But there really are no shortcuts, are there?

The latest guffawcumentary unfolds with the investigation of a lab/online pharmacy/doctor/drug ring saga. Some prominent sports figures past and present start showing up in records being reviewed in this investigation.

They came across a suspicious name of Evan Fields, that had a similar address as Evander Holyfield’s and when the phone number present was called, Evander picked up. But he still claims there’s a mixup.

So this is what we need to do:

Come up with your best close psuedonym for an athlete, Evan Fields style. It can be Bart Bond, Vick Michaels, or anything you like. Just comment with your contribution.

I’m looking to hear from IAM, UncaLar, Montana Mike, Grover, Anonymous 1 – 21, Aaron, ThinAir, and anyone else that wants to participate. Just make it funny.

If you ever hear of an illegal Girl Scout Thin Mint cookie ring and some dude named Trini Ben is implicated, you can rest assured that it’s yours truly.



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