Just Plain Absurd

Let’s just get to the point. The Texans are ridiculous. As I was watching my new favorite NBA team get bullied by the Lakers this evening, I was also informed that the Texans have signed Mario Williams. I think my first thoughts were, “That’s not how you spell Reggie Bush.” It’s true. That’s not how you spell Reggie Bush. Before we dissect how strange this move is, let’s get to a bigger question that’s on my mind: doesn’t the draft start tomorrow? Then why are the Texans signing someone that hasn’t been drafted. I know, I know, that’s just the way it can be done, but still. Leave some suspense in the matter. I would have much rather witnessed the moment live when Trey Wingo mouths, “What the ______” to the camera and Bush grabs his agent by the tie.

Now, I’m not a huge NFL draft guy. Really, I could care less about it. Sure the first 10 picks or so are interesting, but since I’m not a college football fan I don’t know who most of these guys are after the first round. In fact, my favorite part of the draft is the players and their thank you speeches: “Yeah. I’d like to thank myself for not denying myself the abilities that were locked within myself to make this day possible for myself. Also, I’d like to thank God for giving myself the ability to be a superhuman so that I could then in exchange sign a 30 million dollar contract. So, in essence, God just gave myself 30 million dollars.” It all goes downhill from here.

Back to the point which I have managed to mostly sidestep in this blog: Reggie Bush is basically the equivalent of me going against Intrinsic in a 100 meter dash. 10 out of 10 times I’m going to win (and that’s a fact). The Texans not selecting Bush in the first round makes me feel like I’m taking crazy pills. I even decided to test if this dream world was reality by calling my girlfriend Anna Kournakova—let’s just say by the handprint across my face that I’m not in a dream world. I almost expected the next headline to be, “Matt Leinart withdraws from draft to become a male model.” In fact, such a revelation would come as no surprise and I would simply think that would be a smart career choice for the quarterback.

My prediction: Reggie Bush drops to pick number 20 in the draft. For you non-draft aficionados, that would be the Kansas City Chiefs. Why? Because they want to be the first team with three 1000 yard rushers. It’s a theory; it’s probably wrong.


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