Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig is launching an alleged open ended and independent inquiry by former Senate majority leader George Mitchell into whether steroids are or have been used in the game.
Who cares that Mitchell just happens to own a chunk of the Boston Red Sox.
Big deal that he just happens to be on the board of Disney who owns ESPN, maybe the world’s largest sports conglomerate.
Shoot, if I owned a professional sports team or had sway with any formidable area therein, you have to know that my boys BiCoastal and Money would have huge titles with bloated salaries. I’d even hire Knowledge Drop, but at about half his current wage. He could probably build hot dogs, put them in the little paper boat, drive those puppies into the aluminum bag and fold them. I’d never trust him chucking peanuts at the crowd though.
So chillax with all the grassy knoll theories. It’s not like Elvis was really spotted at Taco Bell, or Jimi Hendrix and Mama Cass live in Frisco and work at a surf shop.
Nor do we have an owner of a baseball team running America’s pastime, or an American President that’s a friend with the steroid whistle blower with a tic.
Just order smaller player uniforms with smaller caps to cover the less muscle, ‘cuz we still love you baseball.
Be sure to check again with your groundskeeper to confirm they’ve stopped planting those oats in the back 40, er……outfield for the players to munch on during the game.