I can’t believe that I’m only now aware of this situation. I know as the elder statesmen of the Sports Frappe many of you look up to me as the hip Father Figure/Older Brother/Weird Uncle that you never had. Or even thought you wanted. That was until your induction into the Frappe.
I have to admit that I blew it this time.
I heard from one of our moles that Washington Redskins’ running back Clinton Portis was showing up to press conferences and team meetings in disguise. I wrote it off to a bored athlete showing up in some weak Party City® mullet wig and plastic pimp suit.
Upon further investigation, my man is one serious multiple personality syndrome sufferer. None of his personalities are named Sybil as far as my research shows.
It will surprise none of you that I was a big comic guy growing up. My new favorite running back has a serious, well thought out cast of characters. They have story lines, with one being dead and other characters looking for him. There’s a coach character whose bio says he should replace a specific Washington Redskin coach. There are allegations of money theft by the league, as well as mention of other NFL players.
My personal favorite one is Dolla Bill (pictured). What can I say, I’m a colorful dude.
One haunting factor of this whole ordeal is the fact that many of these characters seem to be separated at birth from one young Mr. George Clinton. Hmmm………….George Clinton………………Clinton Portis. Was Mrs. Portis a huge Parliament/Funkadelic/Brides Of Funkenstein fan, or is there more to the story?
I know………..Enquiring minds want to know. But this is not one of those type of blogs.
I’m not clear on what this has to do with football. It seems it might easily be a distraction. Who knows, maybe you need a distraction if you’re a Redskin. I never heard of any of this going on during Portis’ time with the Denver Broncos. Coach Shanahan is a pretty serious cat. Maybe it wasn’t until Clinton landed in Washington that he felt comfortable enough to break his “friends” out. Maybe the costumes just weren’t warm enough for the Rocky Mountain climate.
The one question that I’d like to hear someone ask Clinton Portis?
Do Fries Go With That Shake?