The Ultimate SuperBowl Question

Knowledge Droppings:  Today’s topic: Which Super Bowl party would you rather go to: a sweet house with a nice television where no one pays attention to the game, or a little apartment without enough couch space where everyone is really into it?  (You can assume, of course, that I’d be there blending your Frappes at either location.)

BiCoastal Bias:  Thank you, Droppings, your loyalty has been noted; and please, not so much whipped cream on the next one.

This one is easy; give me the crowded apartment with the real fans.  I don’t mind sitting on the floor; that just gives me a better proximity to the seven-layer dip.  And in a room with a bunch of slackers who probably didn’t bring any contributions to the game day snacks, being close to the dip is crucial because you know it’s not going to last past the national anthem.  

Granted, my viewpoint might be skewed because last year I got the phone number of the girl sitting on the floor next to me . . .  (Now that’s just shameless, touting my own horn in the form of a confession, how do you like them apples?)  But seriously, picture yourself sitting in front of an amazing television screen in a comfortable living room.  Now you are having an emotional reaction to the wonderful feat of athleticism in high definition; while everyone around you is having an emotional reaction to the choice of interior design on the walls.  The worst part is after a commercial break for a reviewed call, and the buzz of laughter from P. Diddy’s “Brown and Bubbly” Diet Pepsi song hasn’t died down in time for you to understand the ref’s explanation.  

No way, put me in a room with real fans.  I want people who are impressed by my clever insights on the 3-4 defense, who understand the significance of a Super Bowl MVP who is missing one ACL, and who already know that Jerramy Stevens’ dropped pass is not reviewable because the play was already whistled dead.  And of course, getting a phone number when it’s all said and done is just icing on the cake . . .

Money Mouth:  I really only need to say one thing here: HDTV.  If you’ve ever watched a major sporting event on HDTV, specifically a football game, then you know what I’m talking about.  It’s better than viewing the game live.  So when I have the choice of watching the Super Bowl on an HDTV 55” big screen versus watching the game on a 28” TV where the optimal viewing area is five feet from the screen but I end up having to position myself behind the guy with too much hair, I’ll take the HDTV any day.  I don’t even care if everyone who attends the party is an ex-girlfriend of mine; it’s that good.

But even more influential in my decision to go the party where no one is interested is found in the fact that if I go to the other party then I’ll have to listen to the guy who thinks he knows everything about the NFL.  Now, it wouldn’t be that bad if I had to sit next to the guy who really did know everything about the NFL including the advantages of running a cover-2 defense on short yardage situations, but this guy only thinks he knows everything about football and he’s guaranteed to be at the crowded apartment sitting right next to me.  The problem is not only does he know nothing about the NFL but everything that comes out of his mouth is incorrect (which seems statistically impossible) and I must spend the next four downs explaining to him why in the world the referee would call offensive pass interference on Darrell Jackson.  I don’t even want to take the time to refute his argument for why Jerramy Stevens’ dropped pass should be reviewable because his argument rests on the phrase, “That’s dumb.  It just should be.”  I like the idea of a utopian party where everyone understands the intricacies of football and its rules, but its likelihood of happening is right up there with the chance of Bill Leavy overturning a call.

I like my football and I especially like it when I don’t have to listen to complete ignorance while I watch it.  If it takes me going to a party where most of the people are more into critiquing the Rolling Stones’ wardrobe during half-time instead of watching the opening kickoff, then I’ll go to that party.  It’s much better than leaving the party early to listen to the game in my car because ‘Tommy’ won’t stop telling me that he could have kept two feet in on a play that happened in the second quarter.  Plus, I can have full confidence there will be an abundance of Mountain Dew and steaks from the grill at the first house.  Think about it: the host has an HDTV; their fridge is guaranteed to be fully stocked and the only thing better than HDTV is free food.  


3 thoughts on “The Ultimate SuperBowl Question

  1. gotta go with moneymouth on this one.oh yeah, i also slept in bicoastalbias’ bed last friday night. i can practically feel the jealousy of other frappe fanatics as i type this…


  2. HDTV is not better then being at the stadium. What kind of fan says something as recockulous as that? Poor form my friend, poor form.-aaron


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