Weekend Warrior Fashion Do’s And Don’ts

I had the opportunity to play ball today with some friends of mine in town for the holidays. I reflected on an important sports fashion rule for the part time athlete as I admired the visual gallery of weekend warrior gear. I’m sharing this with you as kind of an early Christmas gift.

It’s cool to wear t-shirts with favorite teams that you picked up. Pro game giveaways that resemble jerseys or uniforms with the star player are totally cool and show that you’re a true fan that’s willing to attend your team’s games and represent with the freebie that you landed. Old high school jerseys are rad. College intramural shirts are appropriate wear, as are concert tees, and jumpman gear. Even family reunion shirts work as long as they aren’t too dated, like with funky geometric Jetsons looking lettering with pastel pink and turquoise accents.

Here is what is never acceptable:

Basketball – Authentic jerseys, retro or current, with matching shorts, socks, shoes, and shoelaces. I recall one basketball league game where an opposing player showed up as Kobe. All his gear wrapping a homo sapien with about 1/250th of the skill that Number 8 possesses. This instantly drew the attention/ire of our team. The rest of the evening you could hear communication from the bench and the floor with sarcastic comments about stopping “Kobe”.

Baseball/softball – Never ever, ever show up as aforementioned with actual mlb gear to any of your leagues that you participate. All five nights of them. Please don’t wear the sprayed on baseball pants and roll in with your bat bags that clip to the fence locker style. Do you really need 3 bats? I know, there are different ones for different situations, weather conditions, and opposing pitchers.

Football – See above two sports. You don’t need color coordinated turf shoes. Trust me, I know.

Always wash your gear at least once before bringing it out in front of the fellas. The same goes for shoulder hanger divots in your t-shirts. Dude, they’re t-shirts…..Just Fold’em. Sorry Nike.

The funniest example I ever saw of a wannabe sporting goober gear was at an old skool tough man contest quite a ways back in the day. A guy stepped into the ring sporting fresh out of the bag Everlast® gear. It was uber shiny. Early in the first round he busted out a Sugar Ray move. Now for you younger Frappers, this was not the band, but a skilled boxer who was name Sugar Ray Leonard. Sugar Ray had this move where he would taunt an opponent by spinning his glove by his head, cartoon style, and would dot his opponent’s eye before the guy could hit his unprotected face. It was hilarious to watch, and probably demeaning to the other boxer.

So back to this tough man contest guy. In all his Everlast (again kids, not the band) glory, he spun his glove by his head and his opponent flat cleaned his clock. The dude crumpled like a Frenchman finding out about a skirmish. They had to carry him out on a stretcher.

So listen to Ole Uncle Intrinsic kiddies, don’t dress like you’re a big leaguer. It makes it hard to make the payments on your Iroc and triple wide. And totally reveals you as “that guy” that is gripping too tightly to his athletic “career.”

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3 thoughts on “Weekend Warrior Fashion Do’s And Don’ts

  1. Great Column, we’ve all seen it and are able to laugh at it… I knew a fanatical collector who went to see Jordan aka ‘Michael’ wearing an old Bulls uni I think it was Jerry Sloans. This was Michael as a drafted Bull, no NBA experience or anything.Jordan snubbed him, I think probably was embarrassed for him. Our collecter friend swore up and down that Michael didn’t like white people.We told him Michael didn’t like stupid people dressing up in old worn out uniforms. What a freak!Of course this guy has a couple autographed Mantle baseball cards we’d kill for.M.Mike

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  2. Don’t forget the other rule of thumb when lacing up your kicks: your playing ability should match the value of your sneaks. Therefore, if you are only a $30 player, don’t be buying the new air force ones.

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  3. thank you bald eye for the sports guy! but what about the baseball jersey with the nfl team? what about the college sweatshirt worn by the guy who ten years before was a size medium, now a few pounds extra – an extra large with the bottom of the tummy over the belt showing —

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